Author: Akriti Jain

Living in my own world 🤫

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O’ Life

In case you missed to understand what I tried to convey once again,
Let me speak my heart out loud for you then…


Reaching out every so often, calling first, remembering every single detail to let you know I care.
Was it too much to ask for a single reciprocation, O’ life why have you been so incredibly unfair?


If I could be like just everyone else with respect to treating others…trust me, I would.
Sadly, people matter, and they hold more power over me than I think they should.


Now I feel defeated, like it was just not worth it in the end,
I still have a corner in my brain filled with all the texts that I persuaded myself not to send.


Well, there is always someone around, you know, family, friends and more…
But somethings are missing, the unconditional love, the equation, the efforts as before.


Maybe my expectations were naive and attempts to save the thread superfluous.
Sometimes we willingly give the wrong people, the very best version of us!


And when I finally tried I realized, it is easier to force myself to walk away,
than relentlessly convincing someone else to stay.


After all that was said and done, after so many bridges were burnt,
At the very least there is the peace in me that I left no stone unturned.


Something precious came out of the gloomy seasons that are gone…
the strength of my vintage heart…
and the grace I gained in learning to live a fairytale while walking alone.

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Pretty Basic…

They say my choices are Basic…
Sitting in their fancy apartments watching memes.
And here I am with a mind overflowing with song lyrics,
and a wooden cottage still in my dreams.

My weekends are filled with feel-good classics…
You know the ones that leave our insides all warm?
Are you telling me that skinny jeans are outdated,
Now that I finally got into the form?

My afternoons are reserved for Sandwiches and Cold coffee…
But I also love Adrak wali chai in the rain.
I have too little space for real life drama in my heart,
But way too many fictional characters living in my brain!

As much as I cherish the colorful flowers,
I would fill up my closet with all white if I could
Tried finding myself in autobiographies of many strong women…
But can’t deny how the little mermaid still makes me feel incredibly understood.

While searching for obvious files and folders,
You will find more diaries and scrapbooks scattered in my room.
I try not to be available all the time now,
Well, sometimes I too get tired of the all-time smiley costume.

I sing when I’m alone and can write all day long…But
They say if I’m not getting anything out of it, it’s not very cool.
What to do?
We are living jn the era where making efforts to keep in touch
Has suddenly become quite old school.

So, they can say that this stuff that I like is Basic…
And I am not really doing that much.
But I call it the spell that helps me sail through.
I keep it at my fingertips…
Coz I know every now & then , they also need a little magic touch!

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Maa…

एक घर ढूंढ रही थी रहने के लिए
पर जब से निकली हूं तुम्हारी कही हर बात याद आई है…
मैं तो अब भी उसी दुनिया में रहती हूं मां
जो तुमने बचपन की कहानियों में मेरे लिए बनाई है।

तुमने तो जीवन के कई रूप देख लिए
नए पुराने हर रिश्ते से ठोकर खाई है,
सबको फिर भी अपनाया है मां…
तुममें इतनी करुणा जाने कहां से आई है।

अपनी आवाज़ ऊंची करने की होड़ हो जहां, वहां चुप रह जाना हार नहीं,
अपमान का बदला अपशब्दों से लिया तो सिर्फ दूरी बढ़ेगी, प्यार नहीं।
जो मन को भाए न – उसे जाने दो, बुराई करने का हमें कोई अधिकार नहीं,
तुम्हारी समझाई हर बात आज ढाल है मेरी, कोई सीख थी बेकार नहीं।

इतनी सारी बातें सिखाईं, तो आज मेरी भी कुछ बात मान लो,
जितना सबको देती हो कभी खुदको भी उतना सम्मान दो।
कभी कभी न भी बोल दिया करो…
हर उस फरमाइश को जो मीठे बोलों में छुपकर आती है।
कभी बस यूंही मुझसे कह दिया करो…
हर वो बात जो मन को चुभकर रह जाती है।
कभी अपना सारा वक्त अपने आप को भी दे लेना मां…
तुम कहती हो जो है सब भाग्य का लेखा है,
पर कभी ख़ुद पर भी गर्व कर लेना मां…
तुम जैसा सरल और साहसी मैंने कम ही देखा है।

कोई और चाहे न हो, तुम हरदम रहती हो साथ…
ऐसी एक लकीर मैंने किस्मत से पाई है।
कभी खुदको अकेला पाओ तो बस इतना रखना याद,
मेरे लिए मेरा सब कुछ तुम हो मां…
तुम्हारी ये गुडिया तो तुम्हारी ही परछाईं है।


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Dear Mirror

Dear Mirror,
Every time I looked at you
I found the girl inside asking for something.
It was a no brainer to be honest
So, I gave her all green veggies, and took her under my wing.


She still seemed miserable.
Hurt was her heart.
Well, I know her since childhood…
So, I advised to be careful with the carbs.


Trust me, just tell her to work up some sweat.
Proteins will give her everything that she wants.
But why does she still have such longing eyes?
I am giving her all the support that others can’t.


I have watched her doing all this since forever.
Maybe she is just tired of all the unsolicited advice.
Dear Mirror,
Please tell her that I just wanted to help, just trying to be nice.


So, I stopped speaking and tried hard to listen…
I’d do anything to grant her wish!
As I closed my eyes there was a faint whisper,
“Could you just love me like this?”

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Forever

This is not the forever I dreamt of,
I feel helpless to the turned tides…
Seeking comfort at every home,
Only to feel heavy inside.


Most beautiful memories can also be tarnished, because of a single fight.
Don’t say anything, just let it be another silent night.


It gets hard to carry when it is shattered into a million pieces,
So maybe just wrap it all together and leave…
You have bills to pay and a life to survive,
Might not get enough time to cry or properly grieve.


It takes a lot of energy to hold onto what is not meant to be,
Look at you comforting others with the words you wish to hear…
I’m sorry things turned out to be this way,
But broken relationships are better than the forced ones that you always fear.


I know you weren’t ready; but there was no place to hide.
I know you wanted to scream, but all you could manage was a heavy sigh.
I have written all about it, in a letter I never posted.
My diary knows the things that they should, no one was there to confide.


When your love wasn’t enough, do you think your words will even matter?
I know it feels terrible now, but they say with time it will get better.


This is not the forever I dreamt of
This is not what I implied
A life of endless misery.
A life of unexpected goodbyes.

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Thought for life #3

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There you are

There you are…
Having the time of your life.
Looks like you are the life of this party,
Enjoying the company of your tribe.


My mind suddenly started playing the flashback,
Showing me glimpse of the memories we shared.
Every moment came alive in front of my eyes,
I haven’t forgotten anything, that’s how much I have always cared.


Do you remember the town where we grew up?
There was a bench in the front porch of your house.
We used to play there as little children,
Never minding the ever-staring crowd.


Everyone wanted to be your friend back then,
They liked your shiny toys I suppose…
I wasn’t the smartest or the coolest kid,
But still I was the one the little you chose.


Do you remember the picnic where you first made my cry?
I never knew how to dance but still wanted to try.
So, I gathered some courage and stood up from my chair.
Started to move my body but without any flair.
Everyone was laughing while my eyes were searching for you,
Years have passed yet I vividly remember that view…
There you were…
Playing with your new friends who were both cool and smart,
You were pointing at me and mocking,
with every cackle we were moving miles apart.
Something broke that day…
Maybe an unsaid promise or a fragile heart.


Today I am again dancing,
And having the time of my life.
Thinking how I was lucky enough,
To find my own tribe.


And there you are…
With a bunch of new faces around.
I hope your shiny toys are not the only things
That these cool kids have found.


I found myself glancing at your way, but your eyes never met mine.
We all somehow move on leaving all the bittersweet memories behind.
I sure might have been forgotten in your story,
But you always stayed somewhere in the back of my mind.

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Just Tired

I talked to a friend today.
he asked me why my voice sounds worn out?
“Just tired”, I replied.
Better not share the stuff he knows nothing about.


“Get some rest & take care of your health”.
I did feel the concern that he had tried to express.
I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t lack of sleep,
but a very severe deficiency of hope and happiness.


I wanted to save my heart…
From this relentless and unending torment.
I wanted to escape my grim reality,
Even if it’s just for a few moments.


So I talked to a friend today.
he asked me why I haven’t been in touch lately.
“Been busy”, I replied.
Don’t have the strength to tell him what I go through daily.


Our calls were getting shorter as months passed by,
The familiar warmth of his voice was gone.
He still comforted me with his kind words…
But I could sense the newfound apathy in his tone.


Must be hard to keep up with someone who have nothing to offer,
I understand why he would choose to hide.
This is not the first time I found myself alone,
I guess I will again find new ways to survive.


So, I talked to a friend today.
Trying to picture myself in the fun adventure that she described.
I smiled and nodded in all the right places…
Scared that sad people don’t give off very inviting vibes.


She took a deep breath after her story was done,
Asking me why I am so silent these days.
“Nothing, just tired”, I replied mechanically.
Only if someone could construe how much these two words weigh.

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Montage

Every time I cook noodles…I make them the way a friend taught me in 11th grade.

That song that I listen to every summer, reminds me of the good old college days.

I eat those spicey wafers…Because of a girl who made me try them once.

I still prefer pencils over pen, Because of a friend I haven’t talked to in several months.

I like telling stories…Someone I used to know told me I’m good with that.

Due to a happy-go-lucky friend now I don’t overthink, Before calling the people with whom I love to chat.

I am obsessed with that book…Because of a boy who told me about it before I knew what I liked.

I figured I enjoyed dancing too, When I saw him shaking a leg all carefree and psyched.

I am still a fan of kdramas…Because of the one who have now stopped watching them.

I try to be more generous when I witnessed, How someone treated me more like family than a friend.

There are movies I love…Because of someone who loved them first.

Someone kind and accepting showed me, There are still people in the world whom I can trust.

Last I saw my dearest friend a decade ago…Now she is hard to find.

I am a little bit more honest every day,Whenever she crosses my mind.

We meet all the people in our life by fate…But the choice of what we carry with us is ours.

I am a montage of everyone I’ve ever liked,Whether they are right next to me or worlds apart.

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Women’s day

You were yelled at all the time
There will always be a reason for their rage.
Have a good look around and analyze
They are always there to show you “your place”.


They have witnessed your suffering
Your agonizing screams, your burnt face.
And then accused your clothes
your confidence, and your “modern” ways.


From taking birth to giving one – everything is controlled.
Your mere existence on this earth, sucks even more…
When for a larger part of your life,
you were made to believe you were untouchable and impure.


Even if you did something wrong
Know that you were never worth the hate.
They shouldn’t have caged you to pay the price
Your freedom is not for them to calculate.


“How dare you share the things I did to you”
“How dare you disclose the things I said”
Just like this they prove they are guilty
Don’t be afraid to raise your voice fearing they will get mad.


Recognize when them leading the way becomes
a sign of dominance in the name of care.
Learn to see what’s in front of you
Excuses for them will only push you towards despair.


Wishing you today they will be there in the crowd
They will roam fearless; they don’t need a mask.
Please do yourself a favor and don’t give them another chance
To be treated like a human, is sometimes too much to ask.


I am often told “Things that doesn’t happen to you
shouldn’t be your concern”.
I guess that’s the reason why victims remain traumatized
while culprit never suffers.


It’s painful to see your wounds
I guess physically you were not that strong.
But the child in you is still kind
I guess that’s the one thing where you can never go wrong.


Keep moving and have faith in yourself
It’s the most beautiful thing you can find.
A space that no one can invade
Your hopeful heart and your peace of mind.

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